TSN News Flash -- Sports Reporter Tom McNamara [Victoria] -- Embattled Flames GM Daryl Sutter vowed to "go back basics" today, when he announced the trade of Oli Jokinen to the Tier II Old Timers Victoria Marmots for a Sherwood PWP composite stick with a Paul Coffey "top shelf" toe curve, a pair of leather goalie pads (mis-sized) worn by butterfly legend "Pi-lo", and a vintage High Rollers jersey autographed by former junior b prospect Kyle "Animal" Shick ("now that's a REAL hockey name" said Sutter).
Sutter explained that the move was intended to show the exasperated Calgary fan base that he wasn't just going to "do nothing" while the Flames struggle to score goals, execute a defensive strategy or show any sign of life, so instead he opted to do "as close to nothing" as possible. The Victoria Silver Marmots HC Management team declined to comment on the trade, only to say that there was surely some game left in the old boy.
The top shelf stick is intended to inspire a certain high cap defenseman -- "who shall remain nameless"-- to fulfill his offensive potential, said Sutter. The vintage pads are a reminder that "you need more than good tools to get the job done." Finally, added Sutter, the High Rollers jersey is a symbol of how "creative playmaking and desire to go to the dirty areas" is a catalyst for success.
For his part, Jokinen said that he was excited to go to Vancouver Island, where he could "start with a clean slate" on a team with a rich tradition of late night drinking and pushup contests. "They've done it all in that locker room. I think I could definitely learn something from such a veteran group."