Friday, November 16, 2007

Grey Leafs and Roadhogs the latest Victims of Silver Marmot Rage


Victoria, AP -- With only three losses this season, the Victoria Silver Marmots have been devastating their foes of late. The Grey Leafs fell to the VSMs 5-1, with the Archie Browning Arena Zamboni driver noting that he only needed flood half the ice. The Roadhogs gave the Marmots a much tighter game, but felt the Marmot bite with a 2-0 loss.

"It's the new jerseys," claimed Jim "Mommy" Swan. "We used to be good, but we were never this good. It's all confidence. Sure, the guys are still doing 50 or 60 crunches and Russian thrusts before the game, but it's all different now."

Bret "the Cleaner" Champoux agrees. "Me, I've never been a real joiner. Played my own style of game, y'know? I mean, I see a guy taking unfair advantage, and I get in there. Play my game, have a beer, go home, see? But when I saw these jerseys, I knew then and there that my time as a Marmot would extend into perpetuitation. [Someone named "Waldo" yells from the other side of the dressing room: "perpetuity". Cleaner replies: "f*** off."] I stepped up right then and there and said 'I want to be the jersey guy.'"

Now that the Cleaner is the jersey guy for the Marmots, there are questions about whether other Marmots will step up with similar signs of solidarity and Marmot devotion. Grammar clarifier Greg "Waldo" Oikawa was not to be left behind: "I'm heading down to U-Brew, and I want to bring in some of that cheap-ass tasty brew so we can pay down those beauties!" Similar chants and cheers could be heard.

But all of this is background to the new style of play that seems to be gracing the Marmots this year. "I don't want to speak too soon, but I think this year could be our year at the Pacific Cup," claimed Tim "Mits" Ewanchuk. "We've got two recent import champs on the team, and they now know what it means to take a team all the way. I even heard that Sleepy was the top scorer and MVP for the whole tournament! Read it in Hockey News! And Bryan, well, we all saw him face off against Cliff Ronning in that Alumni game. Pretty amazing. I think we're a shoe in."

True enough, Mike "Sleepy" Cronquist and Brad "no nickname" Bryan moonlighted for the dreaded Screefers at the Lumberjack Cup in early November, bringing home the coveted CARHA Labatts Blue jackets. "They're nice," commented Sleepy.

"I love the jackets, but I just love the way Sleepy lit that tourney up! I mean, that's a team of Lloyd's treeplanters from way back, and now we're winning hockey tournaments. I just wish Sleepy would tell me what I gotta do to get him to light it up for the Marmots like that," wondered Bryan, clearly flummoxed. "If he wants development permits or to curry favour with some city council somewhere, he should just say the word. I want to see him play like that - and I'll do what needs to be done."

The Marmots square off in a scrimmage next week, working on their infamous, deadly, and very secret "Plan B." Only a few teams have seen it, but oldtimer hockey fans everywhere should get ready to experience Plan B at the Pacific Cup. "We'll be laying it on thick," promised Bryan.

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