|It's sad for Mertuzzi...|
|This man is probably 5'11"|
The measurement was apparently kicked off by an argument between McNamara and Scott “Doc” Watson over who was taller. Several children at the scene thought the argument was rather immature, noting they stopped fighting about height in sixth grade. They also said that McNamara and Watson argued about whose dad was stronger, who could run faster and who was better at trivia on Canadian Prime Ministers.
Coach Bryan could not be reached for comment, claiming he was trying to find directions to the nearest beer store on his iPhone. Two tall unnamed sources, one who has missed a few recent games due to a new love interest and one vacationing in warmer US climates outside the continental United States, however, suggested that Bryan has for years been recruiting only those under six feet for his squad, so as to appear of average height himself. “That’s ridiculous, we earned our place on this squad”, suggested newer recruits Mike “PG” Harlow and Scott “Hallsy” Hall, both standing on tip-toe. Veteran Nelson “Nelson” Collins, wearing an unusually tall winter toque over his trademark bandana, quickly dismissed any height restrictions on the Marmots.
|This man is only 5'10"|
How this would affect the Marmots is not clear. After a recent practice, Chris “Gramps” Driebergen said he already noticed a difference in Mertuzzi’s game. “He still got me pretty good with the lumber in my lower back, but it didn’t seem to hurt as much knowing that he is under six feet. He’s definitely lost that intimidation factor”.
McNamara adamantly rejected the measurement, suggesting his measuring stick at home indicated he was six foot and a half inch. McNamara refused to have his measuring stick examined for this story.